News Flash: Phelps destroys my calorie intake with energy drinks alone


Posted by Eric on Thursday, August 14th, 2008 in News

Michael Phelps is my hero. No, not because he’s won eleven gold medals, but because he has the calorie intake that would make a normal person obese in about 57 hours. A mere 12,000 calories and a five hour, six day workout regimen is all it takes to be an Olympic champion. That’s easy! All I have to do is have an eight course dinner five times a day and I’d be set. The energy drink this guy consumes at lunch has more calories than my entire day when I’m in graze mode! WTF!


Photograph: Shaun Botterill

Apparently you need a mouth like a grunt-fish too. I bet this kid puts sharks to shame. If a shark tried to race this guy, the shark would shit himself and then proceed to self-consumption starting with his tail until he imploded, leaving a watery cloud of blood, guts, and shark shit in Phelps’ wake. Good grief! Who would want to race this guy?! God forbid if it was a country that severely looked down upon the loss of an Olympic event. There’d be a lot of dead swimmers in a couple weeks...

Source: Guardian UK

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