Pro Evo Soccer gets a facelift - detailed mugs show just how effortless soccer really is

Posted by Eric on Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 in Gaming Life / Rants

Everybody and their mother knows I dislike sports games. And if you don’t, I’ll tell you now:

I don’t like sports games.

Sports games are usually those sloppy, redundant, boring piles of fail that publishers scrape from the bottom of their development queue...usually. That’s not to say I wouldn’t work for a studio that strictly develops sports games — with the exception of Tiburon of course — but I am saying that they must be the most overworked & underpaid game designers in the industry. Sports games are so overrated that most people who play them religiously are so blindly pumped about the game itself being released a whole year(!) after the previous one that they’ve been failing to see horrid workmanship for over twenty years.

Anyway, I came across a screenshot of the new Pro Evolution Soccer today, and what caught my eye was actually the fantastic display of realism in the character’s face. I had to dig deeper; could this be the sports game to smash all my previous comments? I did some more digging, floated around some really cool shots of the game and environments during development; wireframes, non-lit textured scenes, all good stuff. Here’s a couple:

Pro Evolution Soccer screenshotPro Evolution Soccer screenshot

These look like photographs from a real football event! This is just too good to be true. Let’s take a closer look at this shit:

This is ball, yes? I hit with pectoral muscles? Yes? I dun-no!
"I am so bored with this child’s play. Sigh."

Look at that BITCH!! That guy must be so fucking hardcore at soccer that he makes everyone else in the match look like a junior league at an event of the wrong sport. He doesn’t even have to pay attention to the ball to utterly dominate the game and violate every sap of the opposing team. I have no clue who he is, but fuck he’s extreme! He probably only wears clothes during soccer games; and even then only while he’s actually on the field. He has women feed him grapes and fan him with palmy-palm frawns in the locker room just to make his coach jealous. He doesn’t even actually want the grapes...

Seriously, though...could we please put some fucking facial expressions on these characters already?! At least, facial expressions other than those that help players look statues beyond disinterested in the game, yet deeply intrigued by something totally irrelevant to the match? Oh, we go! This card’s face actually appears to emit expression!


Check it out! Smallville’s Tom Welling is in a soccer video game! Complete with blue & red uniform and awestruck lockjaw from the tool playing soccer with his eyes closed! (Excitement & flight not included.)

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