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Michael Phelps is my hero. No, not because he’s won eleven gold medals, but because he has the calorie intake that would make a normal person obese in about 57 hours. A mere 12,000 calories and a five hour, six day workout regimen is all it takes to be an Olympic champion. That’s easy! All I have to do is have an eight course dinner five times a day and I’d be set. The energy drink this guy consumes at lunch has more calories than my entire day when I’m in graze mode! WTF!

Photograph: Shaun Botterill

Apparently you need a mouth like a grunt-fish too. I bet this kid puts sharks to shame. If a shark tried to race this guy, the shark would shit himself and then proceed to self-consumption starting with his tail until he imploded, leaving a watery cloud of blood, guts, and shark shit in Phelps’ wake. Good grief! Who would want to race this guy?! God forbid if it was a country that severely looked down upon the loss of an Olympic event. There’d be a lot of dead swimmers in a couple weeks...

Source: Guardian UK