The story of my goddamn life


Posted by Eric on Friday, January 06th, 2012 in Rants

Over the holiday I stayed up til about 3am with my dad on Christmas Eve to finish a puzzle that was lying around about 25% done. We knocked the rest of it out in 4 or 5 hours. That might sound like a lot, but considering some of the piece shapes literally ranged from human hearts to moose heads, and the fact that it was the first puzzle I’d touched in over a decade, I’d say that’s pretty good.

Java Dreams
Exhibit A
A hungry-hungry-Humphrey stares at the ass of James Dean, devilishly holding the cord of a phone from Miss Monroe, being shameless checked out by Elvis.

The week following I started working on a puzzle my sister gave me in, like, 1999. It’s a glow-in-the-dark San Francisco skyline with an Earthrise in the back. Needless to say, it looks pretty badass when you cut the lights.

Shiny Planet Over San Francisco
Shiny Planet Over San Francisco
Exhibit B

This would turn into something special; a personal project that would receive my attention every so often - an hour here, a couple hours there. I would come to be excited, not only to work on the puzzle itself, but for the shear physical result of a finished project. It would be something of a triumph. I have been beating myself up for months now about how so many projects have gone unfinished in the Castle SpaghettiOh. I will not stand for another! I will garner the sense of accomplishment and strength of completion no matter how small the feat!

Border - done. Highway, bridge, and surrounding elements - done. Shore, skyline, and Earth - done. Two corners of a starry night remain! Top-right - done! Top-left - ...hadn’t touched it since Monday?! "This is bullshit! I’m not gonna let another project go unfinished!" I start cooking dinner and sneaking over to place the remaining pieces. I start eating dinner and keep sneaking over. A piece here, a piece there. I’m literally jumping from excitement and uttering moans of sexual gratification under my breath with every puzzle piece placed!

fuck you puzzle
Exhibit...Stupid

I hate you, puzzle. You have forever crushed my dreams, and my self esteem. Fuck you, you fucking tease.

  • Ugh, I have been there! I love puzzles. They make me absolutely insane, but I can’t stop until it is finished.

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