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“So, Sonic Team, the last couple of Sonic games haven’t been all that great, what are you planning for the next Sonic title?”

“Well, we’re thinking about getting everyone pumped with the following screenshots. We’re calling it ‘Sonic Unleashed!’ “

“WOW!!! This looks great! So you’re bringing back the ol’school Sonic huh?! Damn, we’re really looking forward to this one guys, keep up the awesome work!”

“Oh, wait! It doesn’t end there! It’s gets even awesomer! Check this out!”

“Woah…heh…are you killing Sonic? Does this mean that you’re ‘unleashing’ the full potential of this character and he’ll end with a smash hit title that everyone will remember?”

“Ha-ha! Silly! He’s not dead, he’s transforming…duh!”

“Transforming…? Into what exactly?”

“Into this!:”

“Uhhhh…what’s that?”

“This is Sonic’s new alter ego! It’s called a werehog! Pretty cool huh?!”

” . . . “

I seriously want to know who hired a bunch of no-talent ass-clowns to take over Sonic Team. It’s like, everyone there was so upset that Sonic Xtreme was canceled that they all quit, and then Sega desperately tried to fill their positions or something.

I swear, are there like, absolutely no senior executives at Sega anymore? Who came in and took the pension plans away from the talented people that brought us Sonic CD or NiGHTS and made them all want to quit??? It must have been the same dumbass that said “Look, I know the Dreamcast is a kick-ass system, but we have a shitty marketing department that we aren’t prepared to let go of. We’re not really that good at licensing our development tools, so let’s get out of the console game and focus all our efforts on software. Not only that, but let’s completely annihilate any franchise that’s having any sort of success right now, take in any 3rd-party developments we can, destroy them, and them blame it on the market. OR…OH, OH! Let’s take Sonic the Hedgehog, the biggest name we’ve made for ourselves, make a ton of shit games with him, and let all our fans down! MAN, this is gonna be SOOOO extreme!”

OK, OK… maybe I’m being a bit dramatic. I’m sure there are plenty of people that enjoy Sonic games made after Sonic Adventure; but let’s face it, it’s most definitely NOT the majority. NEW fans enjoy the new games. TRUE fans want the old, smart-ass, bad-ass Sonic back. You know, the one that’s allowed Sega to be around this long?

Sega should really take some lessons from Nintendo. I hold to the fact that no matter what happens to the video game industry the big N will stick around for the long haul. Why? Because Nintendo knows the industry, and they know and do what their fans want. “Woah, a lot of people dislike this ‘toon’ version of a Zelda game… tell you what, let’s revive the franchise with this totally SWEET version called Twilight Princess. Sorry ’bout that guys!” Yeah…same thing with Mario and his ridiculous vacation to clean up paint.

A fairly old article exists at Wii Fanboy about how the only company that benfits from the Wii is Nintendo. Hmm…can’t argue that! Also, third party developments only see mediocre success with their game releases. Hmmph! Can’t argue that either! You see, the thing is, if you make shit games, you make shit sales. Why would no developer see the direct relationship between these two? Yet, I guess it’s totally fair to sit back and complain about your sales and how Nintendo rapes them. When you put out so many awesome titles such as Legend of the Dragon or Cruis’n, I’d be willing to bet you’d hit a million copies within an hour of release!

Seriously? Get a grip! Learn your lesson already! Don’t keep signing up for these third party developments! Sit back and think seriously about what you’re doing to your reputation! My point is: BRING SONIC BACK OR KILL HIM OFF BEFORE YOU COMPLETELY RUIN HIS LEGEND! You’ve already destroyed NiGHTS, please don’t make the same mistake with Sonic! He’s too much of an icon!

Here’s my idea for a new Sonic title: MAKE IT COOL.