SpaghettiOh dot com

I have been playing Super Mario 64 when I get the chance for the past week or so. In inspiration of the Skyirm drinking game I saw on Facebook a could weeks back, I have invented the Mario 64 drinking game. I just made it up. I tried to put as little effort into it as possible. Whenever you get a star you take a drink.

Alright, SEGA. Sit down.

I’ve just discovered your intent to release a HD remake of your wildly popular Saturn game, NiGHTS Into Dreams. This was one of the best selling titles on the console, and NiGHTS even introduced analog controls to the world of 3D gaming! And now you plan to port it onto modern consoles following an announcement on its 16th anniversary of the Japanese release.

This game… there is truly no way to describe the experience one could having playing it. The level of escapism and immersion is astounding. Admittedly, I have found myself to be more productive at work because I just want the time to pass so I can go home and play this fucking game.

The Skyrim Effect – I still jump from excitement whenever the word “Skyrim” is said by characters in the game.

After having them for a week, I have to say that the surround-sound headphones I bought are well worth the price tag. For someone like me, living in an apartment, a full surround-sound system is a no-go. I’d have people glued to my door all hours of the night telling me to turn the noise down. It must be a little creepy from an outside perspective, me sitting in complete silence, lit only by the glow of the TV I’m sitting four feet away from, with an occasional bark of awe, laughter, or frustration. So I leave the TV turned up loud enough for that to not be the case, but low enough that it doesn’t affect the exclusivity of the headphones. 😛

Time in Skyrim as of this article:

37h:34m:13s

Allow me to express my excitement for this game first by saying how much time I put into the previous Elder Scrolls installment — Oblivion: 157 unique hours (same character) — and then by presenting my splurge purchase, pictured below:

I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING. What?

Fox News published an article by some tool named John Brandon claiming Epic Games’ new release, Bulletstorm, is “the worst video game in the world.” The article begins as an exploitation of sorts to some of the more “distasteful” aspects of the game, soon thereafter spiraling into a fantastic whirlwind of suck luring the reader’s attention toward some of the harsher challenges of the entire gaming industry.

An article spun up over at IGN about Nintendo needing to up their game for the second generation Wii or Wii successor.

One question: Why?

Let’s get something straight real quick-like: The Xbox360 and PS3 are not direct competitors of the Wii. Nintendo is not in this game to compete, they’re here for entertainment. It just so happens that Nintendo’s knack for entertainment is making video games, and they do a pretty damned good job doing it. But to compete with something that’s not competing is like doing burnouts — the only one you’re impressing is you and your ego. Guarantee you, whether you like it or not, Nintendo will be the last game company standing. Let’s take a look at some numbers here…

Hmm.. let’s see…there’s the PS3 with 41.6 million consoles moved worldwide not far behind the 360 with 45.6 million units, and… what’s this? Oh! That’s the Wii stomping the absolute shit out of the numbers of the next-in-line. So, Nintendo, you need to step it up! Your sales are SUC-KING!

When I wrote how I felt about Tecmo heading up the next title in the Metroid series, I had pretty low hopes for the developer responsible for more boobs than brains when it comes to video games. The team that brought us Ninja Gaiden and the Dead or Alive series (yes, including those spectacular Beach Volleyball games [/sarcasm]) takes a new stab at Metroid in three dimensions.

Other M is a cooperative development from select members of Nintendo and Team Ninja, along with some amazing CG work by D-Rockets (also responsible for many of Team Ninja’s cinematics). The game takes a much more story-focused approach to the Metroid franchise, attempting to “clear up” many elements of the legacy of the heroine Samus Aran. Until now, the only information we’d really had about our famed galactic bounty-huntress was bits and pieces of dialog from Fusion and the Prime series. Other than that, and whatever character development gathered subliminally from actually playing the games, previous titles either failed to mention anything relevant, or left it completely to the imagination. Either way, the character that stood before you could easily be placed in the dictionary under “badass,” so you’d think that this game would follow suit. Instead, Other M does a fantastic job of taking the chiseled femme fatale molded from past entries in the series and making her softer than a cake with more emotions iced on top than a teenage prom date.

I’m honestly not sure what to talk about first with this title. I don’t anticipate this to be a very long review, mostly because I’m so far beyond frustrated with the game that I don’t even want to talk about it anymore. But this information needs to be heard, and this game is in desperate need of some real criticism. The fluffy scores dished out by the various review sites seem evident of publisher buy-in. I guess that works, “I pay you enough money to advertise the game, you’d better give it a damned good score!” Not in my books! You don’t pay my bills, so I can bash the shit out of this sorry-ass game!

OK, that might be taking it a bit far. I can’t make such a dubious claim without presenting some sort of reason for my scrutiny, right?

Red Dead Redemption takes place at the dawn of the Mexican Revolution, and your character, *says in a Western voice* Mister John Marston, is stuck in the midst of a civilization that can’t seem to make up their damned mind about anything. I felt there were some strong tie-ins to the political climate of today, which wouldn’t be atypical of Rockstar, but there just wasn’t enough for me to rant and rave about the story much more than that. A majority of the dialog takes place on horseback or riding a carriage, which blends already screaming voices with the constant patter of hooves and dirt. Sure, it helps set the mood of the game, but I’m not sitting right next to the fart who’s squeaking, and I had a hard time telling what the hell they were talking about. No, I won’t turn captions on, for the same reason I don’t text and drive. Duh.

Roger Ebert

Roger Ebert, some famed and worshiped movie critic, recently rebutted a previous rebuttal he’d made years ago about video games, originally rebutting that they “could not be art.” So then this other wildly unknown dood by the name of Clive Barker had something to say about that statement, rebutting that Ebert “thinks you can’t have art if there is that amount of malleability in the narrative.”

Ebert was quick to revise and extend his remarks on his flawed video game statement, most likely to reduce the amount of hatemail he’s probably getting from angry video game nerds all over the universe and YouTube. “What I should have said is that games could not be high art, as I understand it.” Great Job(!) clearing up that statement, guy! You’ve now left your haters with something to scratch their heads about before blasting you with spiteful emails; I mean, of course, pondering on what exactly Ebert’s version of “high” might be.