I (HEART) Tropical Storm Fay

Posted by SpaghettiOh on Tuesday, August 19th, 2008 in Rants

I wish it was a tropical storm every day. Nice, cool weather; empty parking lots; and best of all: NO TRAFFIC! I didn’t have to touch my cruise control the entire way to work this morning. So not only do I reap the benefits of no zombies around, but I also get to enjoy a psychedelic experience from the radar animations on any and all news sites imaginable.

Ooooooh pretty colors!

The media has made such a huge deal out of such a sneeze of a storm. And all you zombies are believing it!! “Stock up on gas, water, canned goods, and condoms cause this storm is gonna kill all you bitchez!” Seriously? Ugh…it’s just wet wind!!

Check it out, I even made my own map at the weather station:

Here, I’m explaining routes traveled by various organizations plotting their predictions of the storm over the next couple days. They wanted to keep their team names simple on the map but I’ll explain what the image means:

Heroes Without Rear Fenders traveled up the east cost in their amphibious DUCK vehicles and pit stopped half-way to Atlanta before making a straight shot to Mt Airy, NC, where they would amplify their flatulence with loud speakers from the mountaintop.

Non-Geographic Positioning Satellites entered atmosphere somewhere south of Tampa and crash landed outside St Louis, MO at 982.3 mph.

Giant Fart-Diligent Lesbians took off from Naples to divert LBAR but nearly sank to banana boat over-capacity and ended up in feeling a bit out of place in Bowling Green, KY.

Cuban Missile Catchers were once employed by Castro to catch US missiles with their bare hands. They were later prosecuted as the culprits behind the Mississippi overflow in Yazoo, MS when their river rerouters were located outside of their safe house.

LEGO Building Aerobatic Rhesus Monkeys were nearly thwarted by GFDL before making their final rest stop in the slums somewhere in West Virginia.

Buenos Aires Medical Doctors partnered up with HWRF for the first half of their trip before stopping to take pictures in Troy, AL because they thought the movie was shot there.

Anvil Venture Nomadic Icelandians, being confused 90% of their trip and cutting straight across Florida, only tried to blend in with other groups so they could claim victory when Fay came to wipe them out at their proposed destination.

Shit Headed Intellectual Ponies followed the crowd like a flock of zombies, stopping to pick up food and water when they forgot what they were doing and heard from a local that a hurricane was coming.